


Yūgen

by Bexnojutsu



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternative Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), Everyone gets hugs, Families of Choice, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Hatake Kakashi, Rating May Change, Rebirth, Reincarnation, Self-Insert, Team Bonding, Uzumaki Naruto Needs a Hug, hugs heal the soul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24592600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bexnojutsu/pseuds/Bexnojutsu
Summary: yūgen (幽玄)“an awareness of the universe that triggers emotional responses too deep and powerful for words.”-Or how a reincarnated girl won't stop until everyone she loves is happy healthy in a world filled with death, war, and deception.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 87
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, Not to be misplaced





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing in six years. This is gonna be a fun journey for us all, please be patient with my lack of ability to get my thoughts into words! Please remember to comment, your thoughts on this story will be greatly appreciated!
> 
> Enjoy the read!

I never thought I’d die at twenty.

I mean, who would? I lived a peaceful, healthy, and extremely boring life. I couldn’t even imagine what killed me. Hell, I don’t even understand how I know I’m dead and not high out of my mind or dreaming. I don’t remember dying, I just know that I never made it to twenty-one, I never achieved my dream, I never even finished my degree. I was a nursing student at a local college, and I worked in childcare. I never was good at making friends, I was the middle child, I never had an interesting talent, I was lazy, I was intelligent but had no motivation, I smoked too much weed -not like that helped any with my lack of motivation- and I was never a violent person.

I’d always been someone to give a hug more than throwing a punch. I tried it once, my sister and I got into a fight and she had always been a bit violent, so I socked her in the mouth. Her lip swelled and bleed and I cried. I’d always been a bit sensitive, not much of a brute in any sort of way. I didn’t handle physical pain well just as I couldn’t handle emotional pain. But I am always aware of myself.

My self-awareness might be the only thing that allowed me to recognize that I died. Granted it could be the fact that I woke up with my lifeforce entwined with another’s when I had never felt something like my life force before. I woke to find myself engulfed in darkness and curled into the warmth that the dark provided the constant. I feel at ease, safe. Like everything is well and as it should be in this tiny bubble of darkness. I feel as if my soul, which had aged with the impurities of growing up, was being re-purified. I felt as if someone had taken a turkey baster filled with innocent and genuine happiness, curiosity, determination, and energy and stuffed my soul with the things that had dampened over my twenty years.

I have no idea how long I have been in my warm little cocoon since I came to awareness, but it became a comfort. So, when the pressure drops and the walls start to flutter around me I am not happy. I’m not happy because I know I will never feel the comfort of that cocoon again. If I think logically about this whole ‘I died’ situation, it’s easy to figure out what I’m about to experience. I was a nursing student and if I can’t tell that I am about to be born than I have learned nothing.

Rebirth and the afterlife have always been things that I have subtly believed in. I was raised Christian and I always figured that there must be somewhere our souls go when we die, especially since it's super depressing to think that your soul dies with your body. I have a strong feeling that you’re not supposed to remember the life you had before. Shit, there must have been a system error, a bug in the rebirth programming.

* * *

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry when I was born -reborn if I get all technical. Of course, I cry, I’m freaking out. I’m not supposed to be aware. Do you know how scary it is to be squeezed out of a vagina? And that’s on top of the fact that now I can’t ignore the fact that I died. I loved my family and I have lost them and only have spotty memories to carry with me. My anguished cries echo through the too bright hospital room as gentle hands lay me on a soft chest that makes me feel that same comfort I found in my cocoon. A finger strokes my head and I listen to the sound of the heart I have been placed against and my cries soften.

With my wailing diminished, soft voices whisper words of love and affection. Words of comfort. Words, I realize, I don’t understand. I watched enough anime to recognize that the language spoken was Japanese. A small comfort, but I’m not looking forward to learning a new language, I’ve never been the best at new languages. The words sing through the air, a soft melody, against the thrum of my new mother’s heart, and I sleep.

The next few months are spent mostly asleep. When I am awake, I familiarize myself with my new parents and pick up a few names and words here and there. My mother is soft and kind and filled with so much love as she holds me close to her chest that it practically swims out of her and fills the air around us. She sings to me softly with a smile that insights happiness in others. Her eyes are green and remind me of grass in the summertime. My father’s adoration bleeds from his honey brown eyes when he holds me. He has sharp features and radiates intelligence. He often will sleep under the shade of a tree as I lay on his chest, a large, warm hand as a comforting weight on my back.

My parents talk to me often, as if I can understand them. I happily respond with whatever sounds I am able to make despite the fact that I still don’t understand them. I do, however, learn my name. I figured it out one morning when I was actually paying attention to the words my father spoke as he lifted me from my bassinet. This was also the moment I began to truly understand my situation.

_“Ohayō, Kiyoko-chan” he whispered softly in the early morning light, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. I coo softly at the obvious telling of my new name and look up at him as he walks with me to the kitchen. He turns his head down to smile at me and the sunlight coming through the window reflects off of a metal plate on his forehead, a familiar metal plate with Konohagakure’s symbol etched into the center. Fuck. Shit. This not happening. I take back everything I said about rebirth. I’m obviously tripping on acid or something because I am NOT in the Naruto universe. I can’t be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name Kiyoko, when written as 聖子, means Holy Child
> 
> -  
> Tumblr: Bexnojutsu


	2. Chapter 1

It took a few weeks for me to adjust to the fact that I was in the Naruto Universe of all places. I was a huge nerd when it came to Naruto, but that didn’t mean I wanted to live that life. I’m not a violent person, but I would live a life of regrets if I wasn’t an active participant in this world, what with all the knowledge I have of its future. But that brings me to the fact that I have absolutely no idea where on the timeline I’ve landed myself in. Hell, I could’ve been born way too late to be able to make changes.

I figure if I do my best and stay true to myself and my values, I should be okay. Well, that and my desire to live well past twenty this time around. I am not dying young again, no matter how likely in this world.

I will _not_ be as lazy as I was Before. I’m fairly certain laziness is a staple of my personality that won’t just disappear because I wished for it, but the motivation to make a change, protect, and survive is not something I had to balance my laziness in my past life.

I take solace in my parent’s presence as I settle into my new resolve. I have become utterly enthralled by my new parents. I love them just as much as my first set. They were the ones that healed my soul, my pillars of support. They loved me so much and by my third month of this new life, I was ready to actively show them that I love them too. They probably know as my body instinctively reacts to them as any newborn would, for I have an aged soul and mind, but I am an infant. But I start giggling and cooing more often, gripping their fingers, getting fussy when they put me down and all the things a happy baby would do. I even begin to call them Kaa-chan and Tou-chan in my head, which does help to separate them from my first set of parents. I find myself with a vice grip around kaa-chan’s beautiful long, black hair more often than not. I try not to pull with what little control over my limbs I have. She doesn’t ever seem to mind, just smiles down at me with her bright smile and happily talks at me.

Tou-chan has been gone for what I’m guessing has been a week on a mission, so all of my time is spent with kaa-chan. She takes me out into the village, strapped to her chest, to go on walks and run errands. The leaves are turning, so I figure I must have been born in July for a second time. I wonder if that means I was born on the same day as my first life. That would be a bit like solidifying the fate of my soul for me. To be born twice on the same day would never be a coincidence.

Kaa-chan takes me to the bustling market streets in the village center and I do my best look for something that might tell me where on the timeline I am. I catch a glimpse of the Hokage Monument through the tops of the buildings but could only see the Shōdaime and Nidaime while the rest was blocked from view by the buildings. I sure hope I wasn’t born too early. It would be a pain if I was old when the rookie nine are shinobi.

My fingers make their way into kaa-chan’s hair as we make our way further into the market, vendors calling out greetings and pedestrians happily chattering to one another as they shop. I wish I could understand what they were saying, even if it was just a little bit.

Kaa-chan is studying some eggplant at a stall when a loud cry behind us grabs our attention. “Hey! Hey, Sachie-chan!” Kaa-chan perks up with a smile and twirls around, one hand keeping me close to her chest at the abrupt movement. Well, it seems I have learned kaa-chan’s name.

I tilt my head up at the shock of red in front of us as Kaa-chan lets out a gasped “Kushina-chan!” and my heart pounds. This is it. I know where on the timeline I am, considering it is sometime late September/ Early October and Uzumaki Kushina is massively pregnant. This is the start, I know it.

“Kawaii, Sachie, what is her name? She is beautiful! I could just eat her up, ‘ttbane!” Kushina intones. Oh, I sure do wish I knew Japanese. Kaa-chan giggles and pulls the excited Kushina out of the way of the food stall. Shooting Kushina a wide grin that seems to sparkle, kaa-chan lets out with excitement in her voice, “I haven’t seen you in so long! Look at you, ready to pop. Kushina, meet Nara Kiyoko.” I ignore the women above me cooing as I process what little I picked up. I am a Nara. I’m not upset in any way. I love the Nara. I just expected to be the child of genesis shinobi, not to be part of any major clan. But I guess that’s what happens if you have a lazy personality.

I tune back into the world when kaa-chan runs her calloused -obviously from years of being a kunoichi- over the light dusting of downy hair on my head. Kushina looks excited, bouncing in place as if she has no way to contain herself, with both hands caressing her own pregnant belly. “Hai.” She agrees to whatever kaa-chan offered and the two weave their way through the crowded street to a small park at the end of the market.

Passing a dango stall both women stop abruptly. Kushina, the endless ball of energy she seems to be, laughs excitedly and pulls Kaa-chan and me closer to the stall. With a huge grin on her face, she calls out, “Mikoto-chan!”

And of course, why not run into both Uzumaki Kushina and Uchiha Mikoto within ten minutes. That’s fate for you.

Uchiha Mikoto turns to show a soft, kind smile. She has Sasuke sleeping in a sling across her chest and an adorable four-year-old Itachi holding a stick of dango next to her. “Oh, Sachie-chan, Kushina-chan! It’s good to see the both of you.” My focus strays from the conversation between the three women that I can’t understand and turns to an inquisitive Itachi. His eyes are wide and curious as he nibbles on his stick of dango. He looks up at me and I give him the widest toothless grin I can manage and release a sound of glee. His eyes warm and his too serious face softens. He looks up as his mother says something to him and the six (plus an unborn Naruto) of us make our way to the cove of trees and grass in the village center.

The three friends chatter and gossip as they start to pass Sasuke and me around for others to hold. I allow the women to coo over me and I don’t fuss as I am passed between arms. When I am placed in Itachi’s small arms and he looks at me with eyes filled with childlike wonder that I never thought he could possess, I think how this is a great start to my plan. I have always felt for Itachi, being a pacifist myself, and I can only hope that maybe my presence could change things.

* * *

It is the next day that tou-chan comes home from his mission. He came through the door after breakfast looking tired but intact. His clothes were dirty but there was no blood on him, and my heart lightens in relief. I show my excitement with babbles about nothing and a smile on my face. I spend the rest of the day with tou-chan. He and I take a bath together while kaa-chan goes to the market to buy all of the groceries she didn’t end up purchasing yesterday. We end up in the backyard sleeping in the shade of a turning tree. The air not quite hot with a subtle chill indicating the coming of autumn and the smell of cinnamon and morning dew that is distinctly tou-chan’s smell, I am happy and content. I slip into a deep sleep comforted by my father’s presence and lulled by the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

Kaa-chan wakes us for lunch before heading out again, this time wearing her chunin vest. Tou-chan puts me in his arms and takes me deeper into the Nara compound, which I can’t remember having happened before. We approach a large, traditional Japanese home, the Nara clan symbol on the front door. I have this feeling that I might be meeting Shikamaru in a matter of minutes. I shove my fist into my mouth and coo in excitement. He must have just been born. A newborn Shika. He’s probably adorable.

Nara Yoshino lets us into her home with tired eyes and a smile on her face. She gives tou-chan a kiss on the cheek and caresses my cheek with warm eyes before giving me a kiss on my head. “Good afternoon, Kiyoko-chan. I’m Yoshino-oba-san. I’m excited for you to meet your new cousin. His name is Shikamaru, I hope you get along!” She sings at a whisper, leading us into the house. We enter a sitting room and tou-chan places me on a large floor mat where Shikamaru is snoozing away as expected. Tou-chan and Yoshino-oba-san chat quietly on the couch and I lull my head over in Shikamaru’s direction and oh my he is the squishiest little thing I’ve ever seen. I make a small coo and decide that later on, he _will_ be calling me nee-chan if I have anything to say about it. Wanting desperately to touch my newly proclaimed otouto, I gather all of the strength I can and force my body to roll closer to Shikamaru. Tou-chan lets out a small gasp of excitement at me rolling over for the first time and Yoshino-oba-san barely contains a squeal when I manage to place my hand on his. His fingers automatically clamp around mine and I immediately resolve to the best nee-chan anyone has ever had. I smile and coo at his small form for another moment before closing my eyes and joining him in the dreamworld.

* * *

I wake to the feeling of warm milk filling my stomach and find myself back in our own home suckling from a bottle in tou-chan’s arms while he eats the leftover soba from lunch. Tou-chan realizes I’m now awake and looks down at me like I’m the most precious thing in the world and I am flooded with love for him. I snuggle further into the crook of his arm and blink softly up at him as I finish my bottle (oh I cannot wait for solids). “Konbonwa, Kiyo-chan. It’s gonna be you and me tonight. Kaa-chan is doing her duties as a med-nin tonight. We can cheer her on from home.” Tou-chan’s eyes are glittering with love and happiness. I didn’t know kaa-chan was a medic. Now I guess if anyone asks, I’m just following in her footsteps. I’ll be the best medic in the world. Maybe second to Tsunade, but who knows. I coo in response to him and drift back to sleep now that my belly is full.

I wake up not long after to my chest too tight to breathe properly but not tight enough to hinder my wailing as hatred, anger, and malice weigh down my soul itself and cloud the air. Through the sounds of my own screaming are that of my father rushing to grab weapons and a go-bag for me and sirens wailing throughout the village. The Kyuubi is attacking. I do my best to stop crying but my fear is uncontrolled. Kaa-chan is somewhere out in the village and tou-chan will surely have to do his part. Tou-chan slams into my room grabbing me quickly and rushing into the main hall. The front door slams open from the outside, Yoshino-oba-san is on the other side with a swaddled and wailing Shikamaru in a sling pressed to her right side. There is an empty sling on her left that tou-chan gently places me in. I wail harder. He comes close and presses his lips to my temple, they linger there for a few moments and he whispers against my skin, “I love you so much Kiyo-chan. Stay safe with your oba-san. I’ll do my best out there.”

And then he’s gone in a swirl of leaves. My cries get louder than even I thought was possible.

Yoshino-oba-san clutched me close and Shikamaru’s wails rose to match mine. She joins the other Nara in their rush to the shelters deep within the cliff face that the monument resides on. Outside of the Nara compound is absolute chaos. Children and civilians scream in fear and despair, corrosive red chakra sets buildings on fire, the force of each of the chakra beast’s roars causes buildings to collapse and debris to fly through the air. Yoshino-oba-san runs among the people not straying until she catches sight of little Itachi clutching Sasuke to his chest and doing his best not to be trampled by the terrorized crowds. She makes her way to him and grabs his shirt, pulling him to her side. He looks up and quickly takes one hand off of Sasuke to grip Yoshino-oba-san’s dress.

Once in the safety of the shelter the five of them huddle together, Itachi managing to get Sasuke to stop crying and Shikamaru falling asleep. I continue to wail. Yoshino-oba-san does her best to comfort me and Itachi tries to help but I don’t stop. Neither of them is kaa-chan or tou-chan. Their words offer no comfort at this moment, they only serve as a reminder that my parents are somewhere out there still.

* * *

I must have eventually fallen asleep again because I wake to find myself in an unfamiliar room sleeping next to a familiar newborn. I manage to shift my arm to grab at Shika’s onesie. I don’t want to wake him, so I don’t cry out like I normally do when I wake from the night. For a few minutes, I lay in silence watching Shikamaru’s face scrunch in his sleep and small little coos fall from his lips as he dreams. When I finally get uncomfortable enough, I let out a soft cry hoping it’s enough for the ninjas in the house to hear me.

A tall man with scars marring his face that is very obviously Nara Shikaku slinks into the room, silent and somber. When he is above the shared bassinet I look up at his face. He looks exhausted, his eyes filled with pain and deep grief as he looks into my eyes. He lets out a gentle breath and caresses the side of my face. “Goshuushousama desu.” He whispers, his voice cracking from emotion. I don’t understand exactly what he said but that face, that grief tells me what I need to know. My eyes flood and it's impossible for me to hold back the wail that crawls out of my chest. Shikaku-oji-sama (he is my clan head) scoops me into his arms and holds me tight against his chest as I cry. He adds an extra bob to his step as he leaves the room to try to comfort me. “Gomen-ne, Kiyoko.” He whispers again as he picks up a bag by the backdoor of the house and carries me outside. He walks with me into the vast Nara forest murmuring apologies and rubbing his palm against my back in soothing motions.

We get to a grassy clearing and Shikaku comes to a stop and sits. He takes out a premade bottle and I latch on immediately despite my internal desire to continue crying and to never stop.

I’ve lost two sets of parents.

It’s only when I’m soothed from the bottle do, I notice the buck standing above us. He’s a beautiful creature, a neat tan coat, large antlers, and the wisest, most pitch-black eyes I have ever gazed into. I could feel his soul reach out and touch mine, or maybe it was chakra, but it grasped mine and I watched an unnatural tear fall from the buck’s eye. He knew. He was crying for me. This deer in the Nara forest with his wise eyes and gentle soul understood. The buck leaned closer to me and gently brushed his nose against my cheek as if to say _you will never truly be alone._ His essence engulfed me and the air around us seemed to glow. I felt, enlightened, blessed almost. The buck pulled back and gave a nod to Shikaku-oji-sama before turning around and disappearing into the thick copse of trees.

“See Kiyoko, it’ll be okay. You are a holy child both in name and soul for the forest has blessed you.”

I cried silent tears with wide eyes gazing deep into Shikaku-oji-sama’s.

“It’ll be okay, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goshuushousama desu is the Japanese saying for "I'm sorry for your loss"

**Author's Note:**

> -  
> Tumblr: Bexnojutsu


End file.
